I Love My Flat Daddy

America.. America... The saviour of the Free World, and brave innovators of brand new ideas.. like Democracy for all (enslavement for all), Taking the fight to Islamic Extremists (taking over sovereign middle-east nations), and..... inventors of the CUT OUT FLAT DADDY.

'Flat Daddy' cutouts ease longing

Globe Staff August 30, 2006

Maine National Guard members in Iraq and Afghanistan are never far from the thoughts of their loved ones. But now, thanks to a popular family-support program, they're even closer.

Welcome to the "Flat Daddy" and "Flat Mommy" phenomenon, in which life-size cutouts of deployed service members are given by the Maine National Guard to spouses, children, and relatives back home.

The Flat Daddies ride in cars, sit at the dinner table, visit the
dentist, and even are brought to confession, according to their significant others on the home front.

"I prop him up in a chair, or sometimes put him on the couch and cover him up with a blanket," said Kay Judkins of Caribou, whose husband, Jim, is a minesweeper mechanic in Afghanistan. "The cat will curl up on the blanket, and
it looks kind of weird. I've tricked several people by that. They think he's home again."

At the request of relatives, about 200 Flat Daddy and Flat Mommy photos have been enlarged and printed at the state National Guard headquarters in Augusta.

The families cut out the photos, which show the Guard members from the waist up, and glue them to a $2 piece of foam board. Judkins said the cutout has been a comfort since her husband was deployed in January.

"He goes everywhere with me. Every day he comes to work with me," said Judkins, who works in a dentist's office. "I just bought a new table from the Amish community, and he sits at the head of the table. Yes, he does."

Cindy Branscom of Hallowell, whose husband, Colonel John Branscom, is in Afghanistan, said spouses of service members in the 240th Engineer Group often bring their Flat Daddies to monthly support meetings and group barbecues.

She said one spouse, Mary Holbrook of Hermon, has been seen in the company of her cutout husband, Lieutenant Colonel Randall Holbrook. "Mary has taken Randy to different events," Branscom said. But then again, that's almost expected. "I
think it's wonderful," Branscom said.

"My Flat Daddy sits in my dining room all the time. He even went to Easter dinner with us at my family's house."

What the hell???

I don't swear online. It's rude, takes little brain energy and can offend others. But on this occasion I'm almost knocked over ... swearing seems almost appropriate.

One of my favourite writers Joe Quinn has summed up this bizarre phenomenon rather well:

Apart from the fact that there is precious little comment from the US mainstream media on the thousands of Lebanese children who will have to make do with just the memory of their daddies and mommies for the rest of their lives after US-made bombs dropped by Israel blew them to pieces, one has to wonder about the quality of parenting in US military families when a mere cardboard cut-out of a father or mother can provide "comfort" and "support" in the absence of the real thing.

On the other hand, if the military mom or dad happens to never return home alive from their job of dispensing 'freedom' to the Arab world, and due to the nature of their death cannot be displayed in an open casket, the flat daddies and mommies would again come in handy.

Very true. Perhaps I can add to this and suggest the pathocratic US and Israeli governments should send each Iraqi, Lebanese and Afghan family who has lost a member through the 'War On Terror', one of these fabulous Cut-Outs to replace said family member?